Shame? Well… maybe

Hi. Five years is a long time to abandon a blog. A lot of things have changed.

I’ve got two roommates now, but neither of them are the one I had before. I can’t do the stairs anymore, I sleep in a recliner in the living room, so both of the beds upstairs are for the roommates. Xav was released from prison two days and one year ago. David got back from Louisiana about three weeks ago. Neither of them had anywhere to stay, and as I said, I can’t do the stairs. Why should my beds go to waste? Didn’t make sense. So here they are, and downstairs I remain.

I no longer have arachnophobia. In fact, I have two pet tarantulas, and I adore them! A few months back, I was sitting up at my computer late one night after Xav had gone to bed, and a house spider climbed up on me. She explored all over, climbed right on my face, through my hair, over my shoulders and neck. I just sat there, calm and cool and honestly kind of honored. When she was done, she wandered off and I didn’t see her again. I was sick of having arachnophobia, so I stopped.

About a year and a half ago (early December, 2021) I was finally and formally diagnosed as autistic. If it were five years earlier, it would have been “Asperger’s,” but we as a society have begun to move away from using that term due to the negative origins of it, and just lumped it all in with one word: autism. So I’m a “high-functioning autistic” instead of the kind that is non-verbal and only eats one kind of food their whole lives. I can live with that. But it’s such a relief, to finally have an answer to that question that’s haunted me my whole life, “What’s wrong with Josie?” I really wish Mom could have lived to see the day we answered that, but I think somehow she knows even though she’s passed.

The hoarding has definitely gotten way worse. Emotional stress, depression, and poor physical health have all contributed to a reduction in getting rid of things. It is no bueno, but I’m not sure what to do about it. Well, hoarders never are, amirite?

I have a new therapist, her name is Gypsy, and she’s the same age as me, and it’s entirely possible, even probable, that we went to kindergarten together! We both attended the same school, at any rate, and it was a very small, private hippie school – – we don’t remember each other, but kindergarten, that was a long time ago! Anyway, Gypsy is cool. I like her.

I began studying Welsh on the program “Duolingo.” It’s really fascinating to watch the way the words stick in my brain. I’m starting to forget which language I’m reading during the lessons! Like, I find myself thinking “what do they mean by ‘translate’? This is so obvious…” and then I realize it’s only obvious because I’ve studied it! I actually know the material, what an amazing concept, lol! Yesterday was my 100th day in a row – Duolingo keeps track of how many days you go, they make you compete, but kind of like, only against yourself, if that makes any sense? Anyway, it manages to make me competitive, and I’m never competitive. Dw i ddim yn gystadlu yn y ras.

Maybe I’ll pick this blog back up again.

And maybe I won’t.

Who knows?

Only

the

Shadow

knows…..